husband doesn t want to go on family vacation

But we should really just be taking OPs word for it that the issue she outlined is the issue there is. We partially worked around it by him pack me an automotive emergency kit since rental cars tend to lack flares, reflectors, etc. Whoever heard of such a thing, going to Sin City for work! There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. I only wanted to get someplace, anyplace, without slot machines. This is really weird and honestly, bordering on abusive (at the very least controlling). I do know that the way he is handling his concerns is controlling, right down to gaslighting you by saying everyone agrees with him. There was a recent one with the same problem! Just dont! as a 1000 decibel chorus of YES! Youre the breadwinner? For the more immediate concerns, maybe you could also suggest scheduling a phone call every night or something to help put his mind at ease, and that yall meet with a counselor to help work through his concerns. My spouse travels for work all the time. No matter how cool your parents are, money always comes with obligations. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? It may not necessarily be abusive, but it is controlling it doesnt get a pass just because other people would do it. When one leaves, its done! But you dont get to be irrational all over someone else without consequence. As Allison said, people travel for work all the time. Fiance knew this, but he was taking no chances. My mouth just kept falling wider and wider open. They all suggest you turn off your phone because thats what their friends do when they are speed-texting their anxiety. Its been 12 years for me. You are one strong person, and thanks for sharing your story! I really dont recommend this course of action. sienna plantation inventory homes; masters in international law and diplomacy; is daffodil water poisonous; There are tons of families and people who live in Vegas or visit Vegas and do pretty normal things. Remember, what happens in Vegas stays on YouTube forever. < accurate. We of course send the Im here texts and goodnight and such. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. A pregnant woman recently asked the internet for advice after her husband refused to attend any of their doctor appointments. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. Hecalledme, saying thatI acted childish becauseI pushed him totakeme, and Ieavesdropped. Good luck to you in standing firm. There is so much good food in Vegas, I love it there. Time to treat him like a tantruming toddler. I also have a lot of real/not real conversations in my own head. Sometimes, friends are there after husbands are gone. Immediate marriage counseling is required and if he wont go, see a counselor yourself. Everyone agrees with me and thinks youre unreasonable and crazy. So were you on the east or west side of the Hellmouth? And here we are, reading a letter from a woman concerned that her career will destroy her marriage because everyone told her husband so. Your husband is being unreasonable. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. He wants me to refuse to go, but I think I could lose my position in the company or be treated differently. And nobody is reasonably going to crazy drug orgies where they might be at risk, during a work event. This doesnt excuse the behavior either way, but I think could be something to specifically discuss with him in addition to the other suggestions people have here. travel to Las Vegas by themselves and with groups and for work and for play all the time and it is completely normal. Access to prostitutes, drugs, extramarital affairs, and excessive drinking and shenanigans is available pretty much in every town and city. Is he OK generally and just bad about work trips? Street photography! New Message From: MayaSubject: Iwent home after overhearing myhusband and his mom saying they didnt want metobeapart ofthe family vacation.Every year, myhusband goes onafamily vacation. The same counselors that would demand that the woman submit would also tell the husband to man up and provide for his wife. This is a relationship problem, not a work problem. Thats kind of hilarious because my ex was super upset the first time I went to Utah (current spouses family lives there), because he thought Id let our daughter be kidnapped by polygamists. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. OP, this is HIS issue, not yours. And plenty of men there without their wives. Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. It is easy to go to Las Vegas and behave responsibly. I think that makes all the difference hereOP doesnt just have a grinding job. Its a slippery slope when someone starts demanding changes to accommodate their objections to acceptable societal norms. I knew a woman who was very sincerely pious and churchgoing and lived her Christian values. I say go for it! And Im not talking rooms in crappy parts of town. Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. (Of course, I live in New Orleans, where we do not need to seek out extra liveliness.) I would hate to see that whatever reassurances/checking in could have a negative impact on how you are perceived in your office. Your friend is a wise woman. Needless to say, I did not find this a compelling argument for reconciling. I live in a small country area where most woman are not in my position & usually give in to husbands demands whether or not it is ethical.Counsling is usually never seeked out. Eh, sex work is legitimate work. Hes worrying that someone might hurt her, too. He is obviously in distress, and rational or not, that is a bigger problem than just whether OP should go on her business trip. Group Leaders arent expected to spend any additional time in the community, and are not held to a set schedule. Also theres a debate up thread about if prostitution is legal in Vegas (seems to be no, but it is legal nearby). If its phrased as Wife wants to go to Vegas without me for 3 days but go with a bunch of random guys Ive never met before!. You travel with the rest of the managers in your company, and I would assume many of them have spouses (and presumably most are able to handle behaving like a responsible adult). She and I have spoken about it, in part because I travel without my husband a lot, including to family stuff. 402 views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Famosos: #TaniaRincn y su esposo iniciaron su amor con el pie izquierdo: su relacin no era perfecta. I went to Vegas for work once. Whats wrong with disembark? http://www.thestranger.com/slog/2017/08/09/25333362/savage-love-letter-of-the-day-her-new-boyfriend-canceled-plans-to-see-a-friend-with-cancer. Oh dear. At that point, the OP has some really solid information far more useful and on point than anything that the internet commentariate can provide her. Are we sure that survey actually happened? You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. This gives me hope that one day Ill have that too! Not everything is anxiety and depression, AAM commentariat. And if you go to Roppongi or Kabuki-cho and get wasted at a sketchy bar, then yeah, turns out you have greatly increased the odds that someone will steal your wallet. Honestly the greatest threat to LWs safety is probably lung cancer from second-hand smoke in the casinos. If the problem isnt the one everyone jumps on, that means the LW get a lot of useless advice on a problem they dont have. When I talk to my friends nowadays (still in Ohio, btw! Do NOT potentially sabotage your career over this, especially if you are the main breadwinner. (As a sidenote: my mom has been able to do with with my dad a few times when her travel schedule gets crazy. He got anxious when I went to San Diego only because it was near the Mexican border, but gee whiz. Go on the trip. I can tell you thisd be a divorce-level issue if I did it with my wife. Boundaries we a serious convo. Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. I think whatever LV *was* once, its not anymore. So thats what Ive been doing wrong all these years! There are some really great desert trails out there! (I mean, ideally, theyd shut him down, but hopefully, at the very least, they dont actually agree and are just stuck talking to him about this against their will? My husband never wants to go out and do things. I have to beg - Quora After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). Main Menu Nothing to do with trust, we just wouldnt want Vegas tarnished by work! This is actually a place where marriage counseling can be extremely useful. Right. He asks that I check in with him once or twice a day for hi-and-I-love-you. But he needs to sit down, fix a drink (I prefer Earl Grey, YMMV), and look at his actions and the state of his marriage. Everyone else said she deserved it! I think its time to tell him something like: I need you to respect my ability to make my own decisions. I just want to comment in support of you and your husband. Did you see the memo that was going around from Travis Kalanik of Uber (shortly before he was forced out)? :). And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. Because someone whos having this kind of anxiety is going to get worse, not better if they do nothing to address the underlying issue. But please ask yourself if this is an isolated incident, or if there have been other times when your husband has expressed this kind of feeling when you go out with friends for dinner, is it less likely that youll be kidnapped somehow? And, if not, perhaps he and the OP should take a trip together there (not on one of her business trips). Did I stand out? Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? Thats an unreasonable stance. (Note: relationship = 3-4 months of long-distance dating, which I quickly realized was a Bad Idea.) If you find that it seems like your husband is starting to use the counselors words against you to get you to do what he wants, then leave counseling. Sometimes its easier to understand from the outside by hearing other stories about how irrational thoughts can impact our lives. If I squint really hard, I can kiiiinda see the objection to the first scenario (though still not really), but objecting to the second is very weird. I wonder if there are other circumstances in which he exhibits similar behavior. Keep in mind that your partner is occasionally on edge, as being polite throughout an entire family trip can feel like a job." AKA: Don't be surprised if your partner gets moody. You also cannot learn anything while youre in a state of fear. I do NOT like it because OMG ALL THE NOISE ALL THE TIME, but I didnt ever feel unsafe. -03-2022, 0 Comments (I do apologize that my intention to be helpful wasnt completely clear). I currently live in a part of London that Ive heard described as a no-go area for those reasons. Same. And my husband was completely fine with it. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. OP, I feel for you and your husband. Your wife is doing a normal thing and has given no signs she isnt anything but committed to you. I hope they can find a solution. Sogoahead and book that trip, and then make sure you spend asmuch time relaxing aspossible before your departure. The point being that because he cares about you, he will do whatever he can to make his relationship with you as strong as possible. If it was possible to take him along I could see that potentially helping if the main issue is wrong information and assumptions. Thats what I was thinking. This is definitely a sign of relationship problems and is not normal. Also, if youre like me and my Mother, your emotional reactions could spiral his emotions up, until youre making each other worse. I love it when my husband goes camping with the guys. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. You might want to change, but also can't. If you need to go out and do things, go do those with your friends and family, or even initially-strangers via v. Theres a third option: Insist on marriage counseling with your husband. A month? Since its also a town that does very well at marketing itself as a destination for conferences (their facilities and amenities are really good, and I imagine their pricing is great because of demand is high enough to keep them low) then it makes sense that your work is choosing it as a place to send the managers since it sounds like an out of town conference is generally a thing they need to do. If this is a regular occurrence, it could be indicative of a larger problem, such as marital strife. Thats pretty seriously delusional thinking. If I were married and my husband told me that he honestly thought so little of me that he assumed I would cheat on him because I was going to Vegas for a business conference, I would be heartbroken. When I go Im all about getting to as many different and awesome restaurants as humanly possible, and sitting by a pool with a book, when some of my friends go its about the nightlife, when my husband goes its about the sportsbook (this was my long way of saying that I agree with you). Dont even consider that risking your job is a reasonable option here your job isnt the problem. It means the relationship ran its course and isnt bringing the two of you what you need any more, and thats sad, but its also not unusual. I thought it was supposed to be would NEVER let their significant others go. Its the kind of autocorrect my phone makes; even/never. But Im not lazy I just love my wife and after 8 yrs of marriage Im worried shes bored with me. Its really way to easy to armchair diagnose, and its not helpful. This is control issues and fear and jealousy and toxic masculinity, not a thing that needs compromising on or a relationship issue. Go. I go there once or twice a year for my relaxing vacation. The main drag did not feel dangerous to me at all. I didnt read him as being a chauvinist. There are people just, everywhere, even at 2 am. Youre five minutes late? Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. As someone with an anxiety disorder myself, I can understand the uncontrolled thoughts the husband is having. Until I heard the week after that everyone was kept so busy that they really didnt have time or energy to do any of the fun stuff. So much wow. I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. You can easily avoid all the sinful things to do in Vegas, if you want to. At least, not something like this, which is a very normal part of having a job. Whenever we had a fight he would kowtow me with how everyone agreed with him and had various complaints about me that theyd apparently shared with him but never brought to me. In these instance either hes cheating, Im cheating (not happening), or one of us is crazy. We split it into 3 traveling days both directions so it would be 6 hours and we are estimating 8 hour days, but know it could be longer. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation. It is a huge trust issue. Out of curiosity do you know what the statistics in your area for domestic violence? I certainly didnt forget that, in case anybodys wondering. It got dark on my (2-hour!) Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. I agree with you on the personal deal-breakers, but thats not the discourse thats going on here at the moment. He knows that travelling for work is non-negotiable, so hes willing to put in the work to make it easier for both of us. But he didnt make a peep when we took her to Vegas for our wedding! This is a great space to write long text about your company and your services. Not a geographic nexus of evil thats so perfect. My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. For example, many people have inherited cultural baggage that makes them scoff at the idea of therapy, which they think is for crazy people. When I said but no one else called their boyfriends he then he shifted to well, if you want to have a relationship like THEIRS I think it doesnt take much poking at this topic to find out if your spouse is anxious or controlling. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Go on the trip and have a drink while youre at it. Hopefully hes open to counseling/therapy, but if hes not, and he instead doubles down on not letting you travel (regardless of destination), I do think you need to consider an exit strategy. This is always my response to people and they always get mad at me for saying it. Plan some quiet time or independent activities if you're getting frustrated. Though those are also the traditional bogeymen for women out on their own, as evidenced by the many people talking about their mothers fears. I dont gamble and am not much of a drinker/partier and I thought Vegas was great! I tell him that if he was in my shoes, I would be supportive. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. Yup. Like, people bring their own experiences to the table here, so might feel invalidated or defensive when its suggested its the other explanation. You cannot have a rational discussion with someone who is in an irrational state. But I believe that talking it out in clear terms is step one, at least. If you refuse to go, it is very likely to cause repercussions at work. He may be social with neighbors and coworkers, but hes not a friendly guy. I called home from a pay phone on the street around 10pm UK time and she freaked out because I was outside, at night, with nobody around who knew me! I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. Im not controlling or irrational, Im protecting my marriage!, An outsider can actually say Husband, this behaviour isnt normal or good for your relationship. Ding ding ding! Yeah, Vegas is like Disneyland now. even though this event is in Las Vegas, XCorp still expects its employees to hold themselves to our high standard of professionalism, My team goes to DC every year for a conference and I always tell them something like, The conference schedule is packed and unfortunately were not going to have any time for sightseeing or tourism. The part about staying on the same team is so, so key, and I hope the OPs husband approaches this as thoughtfully as you have. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. Both of us have traveled the world for pleasure and business in the 15 years. Not that I am saying that the Letter Writer should invite her husband. Fiance also didnt want me to go to an industry event because admission was closed to non-members; he couldnt just drop by to say hello, and how would he know if I was okay? And there is plenty to do besides gamble. I absolutely dread this. We look out for each other. I know right? Youre obviously free to disagree, but I think its archaic and not okay. Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. Im anxious and so is my Mother, so Ive been on both sides of this, and I have a lot of sympathy for you, OP, and for your spouse too. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. I went shopping. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. Ultimately I did choose my career over my marriage and now Im in the the middle of a divorce because of it. You cant change his feelings and reactions, you can only control your own. Yeah, cheating is a pretty terrible thing to accuse a partner of without any basis, and personally is an immediate dealbreaker for me. For another, unless the husband is a lot more clever than it seems from the letter and follow ups, a good counselor would be useful to the OP, even if it is abuse. I'd hate for you to miss out because of the trip! Im reminded of when my flying phobia was at its worst, and I was going to take a flight on Friday the 13th. Being with a partner whose anxieties and irrational fears are put on your shoulders is not healthy, and thank god I recognized it when I did! The Sigma Derby game in the MGM Grand is a lot of fun.

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