We were forced to have shockingly good table manners and we shook hands with adults from the age of three. July 2, 2013, 3:17 pm. I agree with what Wendy said, but I also think the dad needs to show interests in her interests. I am, but I mostly just read others, so Im boring. Man, thinking about those early teenage years still strikes a nerve. And they never put down my interests (which at the moment are the same as the LWs). Without respect there will be no relationship. Shes interested in piano, archery, musicals and science fiction. So, tell your husband to make an effort with her rather than making her feel like shit about her choices. Most passive aggressive folks have two things in common: 1. July 2, 2013, 1:26 pm. My mother attended maybe a handful of my softball games in the 10 years I played competitively. But am I mad at her now? I dont think there is any one size fits all strategy. lets_be_honest Now Im just boring because Im too repetitive. And that if he continues to do so, he risks damaging these relationships still further. THIS. When combined with the eye rolling and disparaging, that all adds up to he isnt joking about it. He took me for drives, walks, to plays and out to restaurants. Neither does your husband. Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. So, dont deprive your daughter of the sort of things you learn about life when doing not fun things with one of your parents. It's as though he can't stop himself from being dictatorial, negative or critical, and all this has done is drive them away. Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. I mean, maybe? Now Im crying at my desk, for some reason. I do think the LW should encourage her daughters interest in her father and her fathers hobbies, because I think thats good parenting in general. (I threw it all up and cried. I think This Old House was all overbut only we know Miss Judy. Exposure to anything is great for children. And also, him treating her with respect and letting her know he values her, well that will also help shape her future relationships where she will know she deserves to be respected, valued and loved. I am a much better, well adjusted adult because he did this instead of pretending to like whatever show I was watching at the time. July 3, 2013, 1:14 am, Lily in NYC I would have been more open to doing different things if I wasnt told that there was something wrong or bad about the interests I did have. but this might be the best Ive ever read here. July 2, 2013, 11:08 am. Particularly this, Help her see the best side of her dad, even if hes sometimes making it difficult. Some article about historical events that are echoed in Firefly, for example, or some new technology that brings us one step closer to Star Trek, or the genuine history of witchcraft that was included in Harry Potter. I know I did. The problem is that instead of at least tolerating her fangirling, my husband tends to disparage it, and roll his eyes. Id say the exact same thing if your roles were reversed here, and somehow she ONLY wanted to watch the History Channel and go hiking. My parents eventually got divorced, and I actually think without that, I might not have such a good relationship with my father (who I am much more like as an adult than my mother) or the family on his side, because of how my mom made it us against him when I was little. How dare she share her own interests. July 2, 2013, 2:33 pm. Im not saying that to excuse the dads behavior if hes being mean, but if the LW truly wants to do the best thing for her daughter, she needs to do something that 1) Doesnt encourage her daughter to dislike her dad and 2) Actually makes him stop being mean, because what shes doing now clearly isnt working. They wouldnt do that, would they? FUCK BOARD GAMES. (Though I do try to find the stuff I like the best of the stuff he likes.) The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. Agree i cant imagine being receptive to spending time with my dad when it consists of him mocking what my 12-year old self likes AND assigning me reading assignments. My husband goes thru their rooms & throws clothes away he doesn't like. She cant meet him halfway if he is putting her down. July 15, 2013, 3:00 pm. Id hate it if a parent did that to me and Id hate it if my partner did that to me too. He never rolled his eyes at me or made me feel less because of what I liked. ! He rolls his eyes and tries to get them to stop talking about stuff that theyre interested in. You dont always get to do the things you want and sometimes have to compromise. July 2, 2013, 11:50 am. My mom and I both liked movies, reading, pop culture, and shopping. Things like going for ice cream. My ex-husband had custody for 6 1/2 years. Im from PA, and I watched entirely too much This Old House as a child. Sometimes those things just happen. If he wants her to take an interest in his hobbies, he needs to feign interest in hers. I had NO IDEA what that was, so I did the can-can. If it doesnt come from both sides, its hard to want to do something with the other person, if the other person doesnt do anything to see your side of it. They have to come at this from a position of mutual respect. 1. An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. MAY THEY DIE IN LOTS OF FIRES. If the individual is below the legal age of drinking at 21, the BAC level is usually around 0.02. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. I understand how you might be torn how easy it might be to embrace every second you have with her when you know all too soon, shell outgrow her fangirl stage, or at the very least, embrace additional teen-related obsessions, thereby reducing the time she cares to spend with you, and then soon after shell be leaving you and heading off for adventures of her own, away from you and her dad. Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. July 2, 2013, 12:29 pm. Perhaps the suggestion of planning an event night or game night type of thing where each family member gets to plan one a week? I was/am (?) My father would have considered my sister and I uninformed if we held an opinion that he didnt share, even if we weighed both sides and did research on the issue. 1. Grow up, already. 6napkinburger My grandparents have a VHS of her wishing my cousin and I happy birthday. Hell, even back in my day it wasnt that hard. I think it still disappoints him that I dont enjoy it, and havent watched it all. On the flip side, my mother was much like LWs husband in that she always encouraged competitiveness and athleticism and things she thought were good. I have to agree to me the dads attitude is the problem here. July 2, 2013, 11:56 am. My parents didnt take me to the local library because they hated driving, but they would drag my sister and I on hours-long drives on some Sundays, with stops in the woods to walk around for no apparent reason. July 2, 2013, 11:15 am. Someone gets one out and I want to vomit. July 2, 2013, 2:27 pm. My parents still make fun of me for a movie I wanted to watch when I was 8 because it was so awful. Both of them are alike in that they are argumentative, particularly with each other, and if they disagree with each other or even have a misunderstanding neither will let it go, such that WE end up with ridiculous escalating fights.. Most certainly. That doesnt mean you cant enjoy shared interests together, but just do so as mother and daughter, not BFFs. One of my faves is when they all de-evolve into more primitive forms and Worf-monster hunts Picard around the ship. Generally, Ive found that geeky fandoms have more respect for and interest in learning than, say, those who follow the Kardashians would. 'My husband is a terrible driver. Wow, Im glad Im not the only one whose beliefs on the cosmos/humanity have been influenced by Star Trek. So, here is the thing. he wants to teach her to drive. (directed at the view in general, not you Fabelle) Am I not a read mid-twentysomething because I like them? Mommy and daddy present a united front. "So last night, I did everything exactly the same way, but it was a disaster. Husband treats 15 year old step son badly. But he never stopped trying, and even if I was a brat, he still acted like an adult and never sunk to my level. To care for our two young kids. On the other hand it takes work for my mom and I to have things to bond over most of our conversations revolve around cooking (her passion that my sister did not pick up) and our dogs (unfortunately our dogs dont get along but we still trade dog stories all day). And this is his responsibility too. And aside from all the other suggestions people have made, like neutral activities such as mini golf and ice cream, what about a trade? Ill go hiking with you, and I promise to go with an open mind and not complain about it. lets_be_honest Also, seriously, have you been on Tumblr? We and our partners use data for Personalised ads and content, ad and content measurement, audience insights and product development. This can look like moving to a far away place, convincing you your. I think the good sign is that LWs daughters interests tend towards the geeky. Good luck! If both parents are making an effort to connect, I think 12 is an acceptable age to understand that things arent always about you, and sometimes we do things for other people just because we love the person if not the activity. We watched Eureka last year and our daughter loved it and talked about it with her friends. Because your daughter may eventually outgrow her fangirl phase, but if you do your job right, shell never outgrow being a strong, confident, interesting and interested person. Expect my son to mediate a dispute between my daughter-in-law and myself. All of this has tended to push her (and me, to some extent) away from him. My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It. The first theory is that her husband is jealous of the close relationship she has with their daughter. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, what I'm watching, what I'm reading, Black Agate, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. How so? He is also very critical of both of us, but particularly of her lack of competitiveness (she hates team sports, and takes archery and piano but only for fun), lack of initiative, and being uninformed, to the extent that he gives her assignments, like reading articles from National Geographic and discussing them with him, which, of course, she resents. July 2, 2013, 11:17 am, Skyblossom When I was 12 I was into makeup, boys and candy. . But I also honestly think that the husband/dad might not be such a jerk face if he wasnt 100% put on the back burner. Really not sure why I waited so long. July 2, 2013, 1:32 pm. If youre having problems with your husband because of how he treats you or his parenting style, then you need to handle it with him, not by forming an alliance with your daughter against him. sarolabelle I was closer to my mom, and even closer with my friends in the neighborhood. lets_be_honest However, my dad, who had all daughters, liked baseball and basketball and he was an outdoorsman. July 2, 2013, 1:01 pm. Theyre bonding against him because hes being hurtful to both of them. Ive been there. Lastly, he should NEVER tell his daughter that things she likes annoy him. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). Too little time to post! If youre respectful and kind to each other, theyll be more likely to follow suit. To view the purposes they believe they have legitimate interest for, or to object to this data processing use the vendor list link below. (I highly recommend looking into how to cook with your fish encased in salt, something magical happens.).